It's as if a wormhole opens up and I am looking at myself 30 years ago.
The altruism and blinding, intense need to help others is there.
Plans for an orderly, fair utopian society with the study of communism, socialism and a hard, cynical look at the democratic system, is there.
The exploration and searching for God in the various religions. The difficulty believing in something that we cannot see or touch, is challenging for teens and young adult autistics.
The quest for honesty, truth and people that speak them, is prevelant.
The confusion over a wide scope of NT issues, from stepping onto moving objects, boats, escalators and docks, to the ridicularity of gossip and nonsensical murmurings. Making issues out of non-issues.
How NTs fail to see, as we see...all the subtleties, the nuances, the pain. It's as if they walk in a trance, by route, never really noticing, the blind walking at night.
The strong, inherent passion and desire to make the world a better place.
The love of fantasy, inside and out. Our art and craft attempt to bring to fruition, for all to see, for us to share, the beautiful, intricate workings of our inner worlds.
The want and high difficulty of the Aspie searching for a bit of peace. Our comfort zones, minuscule and we expend tons of energy protecting those little bits.
The ability to see both, nay, many sides of a single issue..trying to sort it all out.
Talking about what makes a healthy relationship...helping him, subtlety, to plan appropriately for his future.
I was definitely in full mommy mode. Listening with all my might. Figuring out how best to offer guidance. The conversation never stopped. So very much to say.
The agreement that words written oft ring hollow as opposed to words spoken in person or conveyed in a touch.
He held my hand, and I his, the entire time I was there. Not wanting to let go.
Showing of emotion...something we both try to avoid lest we drown in the deep, quickly moving rapids. Emotion...shown, felt, below the surface and on top.
The long periods of time fraught with confusion and frustration when forced from one know environment into a new, unknown one.
The longing...for acceptance, kindness, understanding, compassion and assistance...and the extreme difficulty in procuring such.
Sadness
Such tall, strong waves of sadness
Roll over me over, and over and over again
I may be very strong, but Eldest is stronger
Eldest suffers so, as only I know, on a daily, hour by hour basis
I know this
And it hurts me so
So very much
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