The past few days, my arm and hand tics have been obvious and prolific...to the point where I double-checked my meds to make sure I was taking enough. Granted, I had that trip up north to visit Eldest, but surely muchmuch more is going on inside.
I took Younglink to the big Meijer store today. I had made an extensive list and decided to spend this most rainy of days being productive. The store was packed with shoppers who thought likewise.
It was about fifteen minutes into the store and my autistic symptoms started to blow. First thing I noticed is that I started blinking frequently, long, slow, trying to reduce the overstimulation of my visual sense. The shelves were packed with hundreds of items...that I had to search through, at the same time keeping one eye on Younglink and trying hard not to run into people and not get myself run over with a cart.
Lots and lots of heavy blinking. Then I lost most verbal ability as I had to use my energy to focus on finding the right items. My hands started twitching erratically and quite openly. Sometimes I would pretend I was pointing or reaching for something. Other instances I would adjust my shirt or run my errant hand through my hair. It finally got to the point where I just didn't care that people noticed and I allowed me to be autistic me.
It would be accurate to say that these are arm tics as opposed to just hand tics. Arm tics are much bigger and harder to control. And no, putting my hands in my pockets is never an option as then I go into large, gross motor, full body motions.
At least I realized that I was starting to stress out and immediately cut my shopping list in half. I could see how high my stress level was. I knew enough to try and make a hasty exit...with two full shopping carts.
The checkout, the checkout, the dreaded, damned grocstore checkout, where one is supposed to stand still whilst being sequestered between two barriers. I really came apart at the checkout and, of course, it took quite awhile what with that many good.
By this time I had gone verbal ticy.....humming, out loud, the theme from Jeopardy and repeating small phrases over and over and over. Uncomfortable, unbearable and I couldn't get outdoors soon enough.
So little guy and I make it to the exit....and it is pouringpouring rain. I freeze. Trying to figure out how to work this. Leave carts and bring car up? Nope, find items I don't want wet and cover them. All the while, eight year old says, you can do it mom.
Yikes! Yikes and Yuck! Damn. What an experience.
The day actually got much worse after that.....sigh...I'll save that for another time.
Suffice to say, sleepy time, if I sleep, cannot come soon enough.
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