In depth therapy

Well, I'm back in that old, familiar place I once dwelt, where my waking life is mostly consumed with remembering, analyzing and working with those childhood abuse memories from long past.

It was a nice break, these past few years.

Now, it's time to get healing.

Therapy is back in the forefront of my life. Functionality is a high priority, but it is more challenging. I've learned that I can't do everything and do all the chores and tasks that I had previously, easily completed.

Taking care of my boys is the top priority and my mental health is a close second. I'm not going to get frantic and stressed out because I didn't get to the bank on time or stop by the grocery store for milk for dinner.

I'm doing what I can.

I see, easily, that my whole tone and tempo has changed.

I rest more, hide out, go for long walks and eat more ice cream these days. Time spent snugly wrapped in warm, soft blankets is a necessity, not a luxury.

It's just where I'm at.

I've spent the last couple hours googling for info on people with autism who survived sexual abuse. There isn't much there. Make that nil.

I would like to connect with others who....deal with my dynamic duo, autism & abuse. I mean, what a combo! Talk about an intertwining clusterfuck.

Just the abuse issue alone would be enough to keep me busy.

Am I really that unique and special? I know I'm not. It's just that I have a big blog voice and expose and share intimate details of my life to further my healing journey and to give handholds to those silent ones.

In writing, I am quite outspoken. Lol, in person...well, I can't even say certain words out loud and am known as a very quiet being.

Ahh, I'm just one happy dichotomy after another:)

I can now see why I have felt so fucking miserable all these years. I now realize that most peoples are not as miserable and challenged as I.

I need to look at this as....just how it is. Trying not to set lofty goals, for I know not what tomorrow brings.

I desperately want a healthy body and emotional state of mind. Working on the abuse issues...I'm not sure how much will change regarding my autistic symptoms. Damn, it's complicated.

But it seems that if I can make headway in my abuse issues....and trust me, I'm just getting started...it will take awhile...baby steps baby.....the rest of my life...could easily become more manageable.

Confused? I know I sure am.

Anyway, expect to see more posts regarding insight, info and healing in my continuing recovery of heavy duty shit....the abuse. As always, read only what you are comfortable with and comment when the spirit moves you.

Visually, I feel like the most frailest of flowers that has only opened this dawn. Vulnerable and at the mercy of the wind.

Yikes

:)