I was a child with undiagnosed Aspergers. I remember full well what it felt like. My Eldest son, now 20, also has Aspergers. I know from personal experience what it felt like to have Aspergers as a child And to raise a child with autism as well.
I have learned so much. Allow me to share.
When I was little, under 5, I had no awareness that I was different than anyone else. Upon entering kindergarten, my world turned upside down. I was locked in confusion. School was a very noisy, loud, unpredictable and scary place. I rarely spoke, as I could not comprehend what was going on around me, or what was expected of me.
I was positively terrified of going to school. I fought it at every turn. My nightmares were frequent. I remember having frequent stomach aches, headaches and outbursts of crying.
Kindergarten proved to be the most traumatic of the school years. Each grade became a bit easier as I acclimated to familiar students, my anchors. I became an excellent observer, watching what the other students were doing. Unless the teacher wrote instructions on the board, I was lost. My verbal processing skills are slow and I was unable to comprehend the teachers verbal instructions. I learned to write things down and which students I coud ask for information.
One feature of my autism that I'm unsure of whether it affects many, is that I am unable to ask for help. I couldn't approach the teacher and ask her to repeat things. I often need verbal directives to be repeated more than once...upwards of 5-6 times, for my brain to comprehend. Teachers didn't seem that patient or open to me. It felt like an insurmountable task to ask for
help or additional attention.Part of the problem with having Aspergers is that I am very smart. I look intelligent and my grades showed it...so why should I require written instruction or multiple verbal cues?
Each year, I tried to find a friend, a buddy, someone I could tag along with, hide behind and ask stupid Aspie questions. It was vital to my school survival and most years I managed.
I didn't like recess. The other kids would engage in group games and I was clueless as to how to play. I would try and find a quiet place to be and stayed out of the way.
Outside of school, I was a bit more content. I am from a large family and I always had a sibling available to hang out with. Playing outdoors, I'd either go off and find a nice hiding place to be alone and play with pine cones and sticks, or I'd follow my brother to a neighbor kids house.
I was always very quiet and introverted, even as a child. Timid and easily frightened are a couple of other things that come to mind.
In school, things just moved to fast and too often. There was a lot of almost constant physical movement...students moving here and there, papers being passed, talking from the teacher and whispers of conversation all over. It was sensory overload, pure and simple. I was exhausted when I returned home from school.
I talked with my Eldest today, about being an Aspie in school. We both agreed that it was somewhat torturous. In addition to the sensory overload, our odd behavior was ripe for teasing.
I talked with my Eldest about what could have possibly be done, to make our school experiences more comfortable.
My first thought was it would have been nice to have one adult to talk with, to watch over us and who we could ask any question of. School was a constant state if confusion, to sum it all up. It would have been helpful if a teacher, aide or kind counselor had checked with me a few times a day, just to see how I was doing, offer to help and explain things, and simply check in. Ideally, the check in would be at specific times to help keep me orientated.
Class size would be as small as possible. Each student contributed to my stress factor, ergo, fewer students, classmates means an automatic reduction in stress.
School bells, dear Lord, can we turn down the volume on those infernal beasts??!! Seriously, those loud buzzers are ear-piercing and very painful.
Ideally, and I know I'm gasping here but in a perfect world....my teacher would not have a high-pitched voice as the higher the voice, the harder it is for me to comprehend. In addition, the slower the talking teacher, the easier for me as well.
Lunchtime would involve assigned seats, less confusion, regular seat mates and an identical, predictable meal. Every, no matter how little, predictable routine reduces a child's stress and provides structure and calm. In the crazy, chaotic environment of schooling, every little bit helps.
Provide time for the student to be alone. I relished the opportunities to stay in from recess, mostly for the peace and quiet. My son attended a progressive high school that offered a quiet room for him when he became overwhelmed. It helped him tremendously!
Notify the child when the routine will change. Field trips, substitute teachers and sudden changes threw me for a loop. Unannounced fire drills caused me to panic and field trips were terrifying.
When Eldest was in grade school, I attended all his field trips as a chaperone because I knew how unsettling a strange location would be. I would drive my son, whenever possible, because school buses were too noisy and smelly for him.
If I had thought about it, I would have printed out a daily and weekly schedule for Eldest and taped it to his desk. That way he could anticipate without undue stress.
I managed to avoid the whole distress of Eldest riding buses by driving him to and picking him up from school, throughout his grade school years. It proved some good grounding and stability.
I packed him the identical lunch, every single day. At first, I wanted to try different foods because, after all doesn't everyone want some variety? No.....with Aspergers children variety is not welcome, predictability is!
I didn't realize I had so much to write about children with Aspergers! And this just involved grade school. I will write further about home life, being a teen and young adult.
I hope this post has been informative! If you have any questions, please ask!
