What it feels like...being autistic

I've spent considerable time, the past couple of weeks, thinking and feeling my autism.
AUTISM:  a state of mind characterized by daydreaming, hallucinations, and disregard of external reality.     Seriously, Webster's 1988 states this.
Latter definition: a variable developmental disorder that appears by age three and is characterized by impairment of the ability to form normal social relationships, by impairment of the ability to communicate with others and by stereotyped behaviour patterns.

I wasn't diagnosed until my forties. Having Aspergers can be frustrating as I see the world very differently than non-autistics, neuro-typicals or NT's. I live by a different set of rules and patterns. I don't have the same innate abilities in communicating and social interactions. I see the world through my own unique lens.




Inside, in my autistic world, I am forever peacefully wandering through a bright forest. It is most quiet there with only the sounds of softly swaying leaves and muffled footsteps, my own bare feet, of course.
Part of me wants to stay there all the time.
Engaging, interacting with the external world is like walking from the forest into a traffic jam at rush hour.
My autism is like a protective, thick shield that keeps me two steps back from ordinary reality. The outer world is mostly overwhelming, painful and confusing. I have twice the amount of sensors, nerve cells, than NTs, so I feel every breeze, each touch more acutely. My skin seems to be too thin. The sun too bright. Wind overly abrasive. Sounds, oh goodness, sounds are almost always so loud as to hurt and startle.
I crave soft, warm, gentle and understanding....acceptance. I cannot be held to the same standards or norms because it is difficult, if not impossible to behave as others do.
I can struggle to talk, but my nature and comfort is in silence. I can attend social functions even though I get stressed out and need to sleep for days after.
I'm still real, just in a different sense.
Me accepting my autism is being aware I'm different and acknowledging my abilities and disabilities.
Having autism is just who I am. Respect that:)