Physical Abuse..what it feels like being hit

You would think that someone punching you would be a simple, physical pain that would hurt and then go away....methinks not. Each punch, blow, strike whilst surely causing physical pain, also carried an emotional component. Like an invisible scar, the cells remember, the body feels the emotion of the blow.

If my father was angry when he punched me, my body felt his anger. If he was afraid, scared, my body felt it too. When my mother, who preferred to hit with objects in hand, struck, it was all frustration and desperation.

To be hit, is morally devastating. Physical abuse causes deep distrust, heavy shame and embarrassment, coupled with extreme worthlessness. It damages self-esteem and is rife with betrayal. I know this to be my truth.

I couldn't count the number if times, my poor, helpless body was hit. I can't count that high. But they left a heavy toll. Hitting a child once, is one time too many. And Aspies tend to feel more deeply as a rule anyway...go figure. I don't now if my body knows its safe..or that the beatings have ended. That's a helluva lot of stored pain, emotional and physical. Forgive me if I am not a happy, carefree, productive being but instead, I spend hours and days wallowing in my shit Trying to save myself and be free from the past and it's ugly remnants. It's a full time job.

My body hurts...go figure. I'm busy working on healing. Sometimes nobody is home.