As long as I can remember, I am quite easily moved to tears. I feel things more intensely than most, of that I am quite confident. From the time that I was five and had the incorrect change for popcorn day to the time I overflowed with tears at the softball game because I was so frustrated at not being able to hit the ball, my life is a series of remembrances of embarrassment with my easy seepage of tears.
Oh how I would vehemently try to hold, stuff and hide my tears. I'd seek out bathrooms, dark corners, empty rooms, bolting to a place of anonymity and safety so no one would see. Honestly,it really has only been in the past couple of years that I have become somewhat comfortable with my own sadness and destressing tear mechanism. No longer do I feel ashamed or like a crocodile. Hell, I beat myself up something fierce for my displays, moreso than any outside person ever could have.
Finally, somehow, I realized that this is just me. This is how my highly emotional, Aspieself operates. As I became more comfortable with my expression, it became easier to say and vent so very much more. No longer do I pound away emotion into a dark closet or rarely. My emotions do not have the opportunity to build to such intensity, anymore. I cry when I talk and I can still talk and make some damn good sense. I'm almost ...happy that I can because it prevents those massive self implosions.
No longer am I embarrassed or ashamed. This is how I operate. I'm good.
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