I don't want to be locked down, chained in or restricted. I fight mindless conformity at every turn. I abhor idiotic, nonsensical rules and regulations, even when forced to adhere to them. I have often refused to color between the lines, much to teachers and parents dismay.There is not a single holiday that excites, moves or entices me. I fail to understand their meaning and would be just as happy if they would all go away.
I'm trying to figure out my mood here. I feel like I have a lot to say, release, point out and vent. I'm somewhat raging, frustrated, perplexed, disappointed and happily enthusiastic....heck, maybe I just need to write, get words out, play and juggle them about until they all fall down, onto the ground and spell out the secret key.
Okay,thus I shall ramble......
I am frustrated that my little guy has been quite sick with allergies all week, to the point that he cannot go outside. The pollen is at its heartiest and he just can't tolerate it. I am furious at two different pharmacies, that have dropped the ball and been unable to produce one of his medications. There will be hell to pay. Now, I just have to figure out who gets my wrath tomorrow. I'm guessing I'll have to pay to secure his meds out of my own pocket.
When my boys get sick, I always question my self and my autistic mind....am I getting all the info I need? Am I making the right appointments and talkingtonthe correct people? Can I trust the doctors? Or do I need second and third opinions. I hate it when boys are ailing! I question my abilities to handle and deal to the bestest of my abilities and resources. It's one of the few times that I damn my Aspergian thinking, and seriously doubt and question my self. Aarrggghhhhh.
Okay, that issue seemed foremost.
I am bothered by people that lie fora living. I abhor deception in all it's snarly, bitey forms...but when law enforcement lies...it seems even worse. They have to do it, for their job to keep peoples calm and cooperative. I can only guess at Eldests confusion and angst over the tremendous volume of little white lies he has been told with all the time behind bars.
I know how gullible, naive and stupi I felt...when the sheriffs showed up to take me away...that time, long ago. Like an idiot, I believed every word, the men with badges said.....and every single thing they had said and promised was lies...to keep me complacent. I had no clue that badgemen ever, ever told untruths....well I learned rather quickly. I guess Eldest will have some serious readjustments and venting to do...when he gets out.
It's hurtful, to be lied to.....it's embarrassing to be naive, gullible and taken advantage of....I know...been there...didn't like that.
I don't like commercials. Not only are they too loud and invasive....but the biggest reason, I turn them off...tough to admit...is that I tend to believe whatever they say. My innate, honest nature hears, "this snake oil will cure your every pain", and my first, natural impulse is to believe it. I am honest by nature. I literally have to talk to myself so that I do not buy into every products false and lofty claim. It's easier to just mute and turn off commercials than to have to wrestle with logic and morals at commercial time. Sad but true.
I need a break...later
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