Not much really

It's been rather down and low. Seems it was time for me to reevaluate most of the relationships in my life. Lots of changes. Friendships that constantly perplexed and confused me...gone. Aggravation and frustration hang out with dreaded confusion. I simply was unwilling to handle, juggle and play roller coaster with some ones. Must say, I feel lonelier but much less stressful...it's a trade off. Everything is a trade off...who am I kidding?

My verbal interactions have tanked, dropped and rolled off the cliff. Like any learned second language, if you don't use it...my use of verbiage is quite compromised. It's much more challenging to find things to say or want to say.

My dream world is rich and fantastic. For a few moments after I awake...I am full of happiness and joy. Then reality and all it's worries rears its ugly head and I am once again, subjected to the humdrum, strategic planning of everyday life. At least there is the night.

I'm trying to get myself motivated...searching for projects that will give me a semblance of peace, happiness and okayness. Still working on that.

In many ways i feel like I did a couple years ago. Seems last year was a "high" with social activities and interaction. That, obviously, was an anomaly...not real or sustainable. Oh well. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I have to try and remember how I did this before...life without interaction. Relearning how to live with and enjoy my own company. Listening, searching for what makes me tick...and maybe feel...good