I've had a couple of days, out of the last month, that I haven't been anxiety ridden and had to use all my effort not to think about the latest rounds of child sexual abuse flashbacks.
My father was pure evil.
Look at these faces....they look like the couple next door, don't they? Because they are. Incest, neglect and physical abuse lurk on every street.
I remember reading my dads obit, a few months ago. Wow, what a flowery, loving depiction of a man who thought nothing of raping small children and beating them black and blue. I was angry and somewhat confused. Angry because each person is seen in a different light by those who know and interact with them.
Oh, I'm sure some siblings have chosen to forget the beatings and rape....remembering only the kind moments. I'm sure his employers thought him a good worker and provider for his family. I'm sure his church thought him righteous, giving and a fine example of his faith. That was one part of him.
After all, how many obits do you read that tell more than the flowery good works of a man? When was the last time you read, "pillar father community, kind, generous and raped his own kids"? See, we just don't tell the Whole truth....just the parts we choose to remember.
Is it slanderous to call a sexual predator, a sexual predator? Well, what if he only raped a couple of children, a few times? Can we just overlook that? Is he still a pillar?
History says yes. Men and women have long been allowed to sexual abuse and physically abuse without anyone pointing fingers too much. Yet another reason incest is alive, well and rampant.
I cannot allow his obit to say who he was, because it was only part of who he was.
My calling him evil, criminal, sadistic and deranged is the other part.
It does beg the question....if a grown man chooses to rape his own toddler....he obviously was severely abused himself. You don't learn that shit watching PBS. It makes me wonder about His parents, my grandparents.....Hidden evil runs in the family, apparently.
That stops now.
I will trample the deads "good name".
I will call my family, the house that incest and abuse built.
I will hope and pray that the others he abused realize its ok now. And hope that don't continue my dads legacy.
No more hiding. No more deceit, cover ups and lies.
I simply will not lie and sugar coat who he was and what he did. No matter the abuses done to him...he made a conscious choice to traumatically hurt me.
I continue to speak out Loudly! What he did was wrong.
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