Too many activities in too many places.
I visited my doctor. I had been feeling sickly, so it was time to see her. I have chronic Lyme disease....but, it can be controlled with daily medication. Not eradicated, but controlled enough so that I can function, and sleep, and the headaches, aches and overwhelming exhaustion will stop.
My dr. moved to a new office. I had sat in the waiting room so often for one son or the other, that I completely forgot that I had never been back in an exam room. And the old nurse with whom I was familiar with, was gone and replaced by a stranger in a smock. Yikes. This strange nurse led me through the new office hallways, door, down this way and left that way. We ended up, in a much too small room, and got acquainted.
I was stymied. I felt lost. I didn't know her tactics or what her small talk might entail. Wasn't sure the order of her formula for taking vitals or history. Everything was amiss....and I was trapped....sure that I could Not find my way out alone.
It was great to see my dr. I hadn't seen her in months, so right away, I had to get a reassuring hug. We talked. I have the bestest health care provider. She listens, knows my background and history and really tries to understand what I'm trying to say. She can read between my lines. We decided on the best course of treatment.
Time to leave. I had to follow her down the hall, as best I could. My innate urge, which I repressed, was to grab onto her shirttail amidst the dizzying doorways and bright lights, for security. Whew, we made it to the final door. Definitely time for another big hug:)
Task one done. And I was chock full of anxiety.
My next big venture was LittleGuys therapy appointment. I had met his therapist and Her new office labyrinth last week. I, again or still, felt very lost in ths almost new office maze. I've never had a child in therapy, so I have no idea what my role is. Do I sit in this corner and offer and say nothing? Do I speak when spoken to? Comments? Observe closely or dispassionately?
It was a hot and stuffy room....but at least a little bigger than that exam room. I felt like such a dweeby dufus. I was completely uncomfortable and totally out-of-sorts...whatever that means. Arrgghhhhh.
Thankfully, that hour ended as well. I was still in one piece with no obvious wounds, save the bewilderment in my eyes and the head spinning that no one could see, or feel, but me.
There was more to the day but I just can't handle reliving it in words.
I feel very much like a single parent working double-time.
Speaking of confusion. Therapy has been going reallyreally well. This week we managed to reach and release an almost fifty year old wound. Think about that. I have carried an incident of overwhelming pain, encapsulated in an almost cyst-like part of me. It had always irritated me but I could never reach it...till this week. Yeah, I feel lighter and...really different. Progress.
Anyway, the confusing part....when its time to leave, my therapist doesn't stand up first Or at the same time I do. I have to do it first? Very confusing as social protical dictates that when in someone else's house, residence or office, the host standing is the social indicator telling This Aspie brain, it's time to leave. Therapist sitting down makes me feel that...well, maybe time isn't up? Or, I'm doing something wrong and wanting to leave too early? It floods my brain in confusion. I don't get it. It irritates me and screws with my protocol of words= action and if I can't understand the words observe, watch and follow.
I don't think she has always done this. Not sure because...I'm not always the one to leave, but usually. Arrrggghhhhh. Why can't things be simpler and straightforward. If it has always worked, why break it? Is this a courtesy or new polite thingy? I don't understand and I sure as hell do not like, need, crave or desire Any more confusion.
Change is a challenge.
I'm just saying.
Whew, this day is almost done. I can hardly wait for a drug induced calming slumber.
0 comments:
Post a Comment