MPD and Therapy

I don't know the how's or the whys of how talking to someone about traumatic incidents...heals...but I'm sure glad it does!

 Case in point: This morning I woke up with terrible pain in my feet, ankles and left hip. It hurt just to take the simplest of steps. I had to concentrate and tell each foot what to do. The pain was intense and my big dose of pain med Did Nothing. This fact told me that I was dealing with a body memory, past trauma surfacing. 

 Fortunately, my therapy appointment was this afternoon. I hobbled in to therapy and walked out feeling much lighter.

  When I came home, I really felt Compelled to go for a long, hour and a half walk. My feet felt...different..as only a multiple who integrated some new facet of herself can understand.

  It's like...I could, for the very first time, feel the layer of skin and cells on the bottoms of my feet.

 I can imagine how strange this must sound, as the sensation perplexes me as well. I've always had these feet. What could have changed, in less than One hour, that allowed me to suddenly feel part of my body that I've always had? 

My scientific mind says this makes no sense. I cannot fathom the mechanism of how this works....but I feel very real results.
Another example of multiplicity and the somatic, physical body:
One day, I take my hand and touch object A. It feels like plastic.
The next week, again, I allow my hand to touch the Exact Same Object A. This time, it feels like sandpaper.
One week later, once again, I touch Object A with the very same hand that touched it twice before. This time, it feels soft and nice.
WTH? How does that happen?


Everything about me, from what I think, to what I feel, my overriding emotions, my tastes in food and drink, my interests and how each, little part of my body feels...has the potential to change in a few minutes, an hour, the next morning. This is the uncertainty principle That a Multiple Lives With Every Single Day. Ponder that and come up for air. It's very deep. It is very true.
It is complex and almost impossible to explain. And this is just my MPD living, not my autistic way of looking at things.
Damn. This looks so clear, on paper. The complexity, the uncertainty....it's like a semi-controlled form of chaos. I've been quite focused on my MPD, as the screaming, harassing flashbacks and body memories demand my full attention. An autistic dealing with these issues, just doubles the fun.



I haven't had a break with dealing with memories...it seems like, it's been many weeks. My therapist remarked that I no sooner get one set of memories dealt with and bandaged, then another set arises to be wrestled. She seems to think me and the system are working overtime to get better as fast as possible. That "it's time." She may be right. Sometimes....I just wish I had a few days, or a week, when I wasn't time traveling and engrossed in healing the trauma.
Sigh.
I do know that....many aspects of my life Are getting better. I Do know therapy works. I may never know how or why, but it does.
These past couple weeks....monumental break throughs have been taking place:) maybe I even smile a wee bit more.
I'm no slacker. We are making progress. :)


Be well