I didn't really get to sleep sleep until sunrise. By then my physical body hurt everywhere and deeply. Like my bones hurt and were being rearranged. Guess thats what happens when you dissociate half your body when you were really young. Obviously, it's body memories, as pain pills refuse to work.
I guess I'm handling the youngsters pain because I can. I mean, I don't like it by any means, but I'm not falling apart from it either. I must say that I had no idea I could tolerate this much physical pain at once.
I literally could not move enough to get out of bed this morning. Once I did, every little move required great effort. I couldn't even manage to cook myself something. I wasn't that hungry anyway. My part of our healing process is simply to experience some of the pain that was trapped and locked away. So that's what I do.
I had dreams about the therapist. We were just sitting around shooting shit. I still have big trust issues with her. Seems the dreams were trying to help me trust her. I don't know. Doesn't really feel like I have a choice anyway.
I do worry a bit, that all this pain is from a Lyme disease flare up. I just stopped taking antibiotics about three weeks ago. I was on them for months. Guess I'll keep an eye on things. See if and when the pain lets up.
Seems the Lyme was more muscle and neurological pain. Not sure. But this definitely feels like my body is releasing ad reorganizing. I never know anything for sure.
I was totally surprised to wake up feeling so awful. Yeah, root chakra work is all physical. Working on grounding and getting a.....what?......oh, foundation. Stability sounds like an interesting concept.
Oh well, it's time for bed. Just thought I'd share some misery. I'm not a real happy camper, these days, but I hope this helps lead to healing.
Be Well
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