Will I ever be able to trust again, being a parent

Few can comprehend the fear I feel, dropping my nine year old off, by himself anywhere but home. I had to take him to vacation bible school. I dropped him off, with all the other kids. Then I froze. I couldn't leave. I stood in the back and just watched.
I saw all these adult "church" people but I didn't see Christians...I saw perpetrators, vile, evil and laying in wait.
How will I ever know that it's okay to leave him with Anyone? This summer, LittleGuy has been at my side all season. I haven't left him with anyone other than Partner and Eldest. Now, the very thought of walking him in to a brand new school, complete with every adult being a stranger to me, I'm fucking terrified.
Oh, yeah, brief spells of "home schooling" flash through my brain. But this...this fear of mine, stemming from the fact of my incestuous, abusive upbringing....would only be belayed. It will still exist. He needs to go to school. I need to figure out how to deal.
I hate to even acknowledge and write about something so near. I open myself up to nothing but criticism and ridicule. Am I an overprotective mom? Absolutely, and with damn good reason.
I learned not to trust adults. Why should I change that thinking now?
I Know the Numbers. I know the extent to which some adults commit crimes against children. It's Not Uncommon!!
And I'm fucking helpless, helpless to protect my sons. Short of bolting the lock on the door....damn.
I don't want them hurt. And there is no guarantee anywhere, anyway. It seems so futile. Miserable...I'm so miserable, my god, I can only hope the next life is better.
Frustrated and angry. I wanted to punch out the big, stupid dad who took his kid out of class to yell and belittle him for misbehaving....the kid was acting like a five year old kid. Yeah, I'd beat the crap out of him and feel better about myself until the handcuffs went on and it's ride in a squad car time.
Some days, it's just not good for me to leave the house.
Definitely a bit more fired up, these days. My tolerance for ignorance and stupid Is Way Low. Working on keeping impulsivity in check.
Yeah, I have acupuncture tomorrow and therapy, all the way to Wednesday. Keeping my mouth shut and my fists to myself.
You know what chaps my ass....people avoid you if you look sad, frustrated, lost or mad. Fucking emotional retards. I'm standing in the church, not feeling well at all, distress hormones reeking from me. I'm in a fucking church, where the people are supposed to be a cut above, kind, caring....but no. I didn't care what they thought of me, odd parent out, standing alone in the back, on the verge of tears, arms folded, unable to leave. People just kept walking on by, avoiding eye contact.
Shit, and I have to do this again every night this week.
I watched LittleGuy, sitting there...all alone in his row. And he was okay with that. He enjoyed it. He participated.
I looked at the adults...who is going to watch out for his welfare? Do any of these people have criminal backgrounds? Does anyone check?
Isn't that what abuses do....look for the single kid, the one on the outside?
Arrrrgggghhhh
This sucks, sucks, sucks
And look at these other parents gleefully leaving their youngsters. Who is right? Who is wrong? Who is ignorant?
Yeah, I've got issues