Today

Did you ever have one of those days...where you feel like you forgot something, it drives you crazy, but you don't know what you forgot?


 It's like I'm sorry about something; I messed something up or did something wrong, but I don't kno what it is. It's a feeling, deep down, almost visceral, that I have done something wrong, since therapy yesterday. And I can't shake the feeling Or figure it out. It's like wearing a heavy wool coat of uncertainty and "I'm sorry."
 I'll have to write about it to try and figure it out, but first.....
 Lyme. This round of Lyme flare-up has brought a new, different host of symptoms compared to last summer, when I first contracted it. Itching!!!!!!! Incessant, intense itching that doesn't go away with any ease. I'm working on taking small doses of Benadryl to eliminate the itch without over medicating. I noticed the itching just a couple days ago. It's worse at night, around clothing touching, rubbing skin areas and anywhere I sweat.
 My heat tolerance is high. I get hothot at night and can't cool down easy. Sleep is disturbed, and hard to come by. My body hurts, is exhausted but cannot rest. My hands hurt the worst and it's more intense with any physical activity. Last summer, it was my knees....this time my precious hands.


 I Do feel better today then yesterday! Yay! Take the victories when I can!:)
  I am actively working on healing. My new regiment of vitamins, fluids, supplements, rest, positive thinking, fruits, vegetables and acupuncture agrees with me.
 Now, back to this darn....feeling bad sensation. I might have to call and ask therapist about it. I'm still at that "remembering only part of what is being said in therapy" thingy. It's driving me batty. It must relate to what I talked about...probably one of the oldold memories.
 I talked a lot about my mom. She, a true woman of the sixties, hit/ slapped me often when I was very young. Am I sorry for being an unruly child? No. No emotion or indicator that this is the answer surfaces.
 Am I sorry for telling on her? Maybe. Truth rings a bit in the emotional realm. I feel uneasy writing about this now. I don't know.....eventually I will know the why.
Tired again. Time to sleep. Off to dream. :)