Turning into a Girl

I woke up, 'twas the other morn, and desperately wanted to buy a dress. Sometimes I get thoughts, ideas, hankerings and outright obsessive demands, from somewhere deep within. Today, I needed to buy a dress.

Mind you, I have not owned or wore a dress in over fifteen years. All the clothes in my closet, are boys and menswear. Surely, as with all my clothing purchases, this piece of attire was for no one but me.

I bought two dresses at the second hand store and one at the store. They are all long, past my knees, and cotton or denim. They are quite feminine, with bits of colorful embroidery here and there.

As soon as I returned home from shopping, I quickly removed the tags and put them into the wash. I practically stood there, watching and waiting, impatient. The moment the dryer stopped, I was fastly removing my boys clothes and putting on my new dress.

NICE!

This is exactly what I wanted.

I've been working on clearing out my sacral chakra, the part of the body energy system that deals with emotion, relationships, creativity and gender. Seems hidden deep within the safety of male clothing was the feminine side of me.

I can't say that I ever wanted to be female. Growing up, I hated my sex and the vulnerability that went along with it. Mothers adores their boys and hated their girls. Fathers liked their sons, but abused the daughters. Yeah, more backward, warped thinking that I had gleefully assimilated.

It was outright dangerous, frowned upon and messy, being female. I wated no part of it. None.

See, I don't feel so vulnerable and unworthy, anymore. I don't feel like every man who walks by is going to attack me, because I'm female. Men aren't as wretched and evil, as I once believed...only a very small percentage.

I'm making peace with myself. I'm taking the twisted wreckage of what my parents demonstrated and taught, and I'm...straightening it out, untangling, finding truth and a better sense of reality.

Feminine is okay. Soft, frilly, curvy, caring, compassionate, motherly. I'm not a bad thing. I haven't been born in the wrong body, just into a traumatic childhood, is all. I can outgrow that outmoded existence. I can be however it feels right to be.

This feels right.

I don't care who sees me dressed this way, or what anyone else thinks. I do this for Me:)

I'm turning into the girl that I didn't dare to be

Life is good

Be Well

Be kind to yourself:)