People around me were freely allowed to use and abuse me, God knows I didn't care. The pattern of putty continued through my life with every relationship I stumbled or was roped into. I had no sense of self and always did what I was told to appease and please. It was just the nature I chose.
See, it really was a conscious choice to disengage from the world, from my self and from my soul. No one made me do it. How can I hate and blame my abusers when I easily gave permission?
Diligently have I worked, especially these past few months, to discover the root causes of my current sickly state of being. And yea I have found them. Now it's time to examine them...awareness is the first key to fixing anything....and bring them out into the light for closer examination.
For starters, I choose to connect to this body and this life. I take hold of the recklessly errant power cord and I connect.
Strange, I never knew that life, the universe had anything to give me...that I was entitled to an abundance of energy, love and support. I accept that now. Head bows and those little bells go off.
I freely gave away all my personal power. Enough. My personal power is now for me, and me alone.
I used to think that I needed and required someone else to support me emotionally, financially, physically....that was me being putty...no more. I have been given all the energy and resources to completely stand on my own two feet and care completely for myself. The open door...the crack in my character whereby all could come, manipulate and go, is shut. I am fully capable of meeting all of my needs. The piranhas have to find a fresh source of raw meat, cause it ain't me anymore.
I forgive my self...I forgive myself for the neglect, the allowing, for literally giving myself away and becoming a tool. I chose this path. Now, I choose another.
I reclaim me, as I grab a lightning bolt in hand and thrust it into the earth before me. Everything will change...for the betterment of me, I claim and regale me.
I did not come to this World helpless....it was the path I freely chose.
No one is more important than me. I give up being Putty.
I gently release all the thoughts, feelings and ideals of others that I ave agreed to carry. Go on now...they are not mine. They took up space that was meant for me.
I am not full of holes or gaping wounds, anymore. I close and bandage the openings with sense of self, with love, honor and respect for my self, my feelings, thoughts and beliefs.
No one else owns me, now.
Funny, so close to the fourth of July...I claim my own independence.
I don't need anyone but I choose to enjoy the company of others and share. I gather and acknowledge my own power but I do not laud or use and abuse it over others. I have always had respect for individuals and the choices they make. That has not changed.
I don't lean anymore, or require someone to prop me up and think and decide for me. I was gifted with all the right ingrediants to decide for myself and lead my own life.
Thank you 3, for the choices you made which were absolutely appropriate at the time. It was the only survival tool in my arsenal, back then.
A howling, screaming, rushing up of the pipe now open. Time to go for a ride into awareness.
Thanks for reading. Be well, be yourself:)
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