Long story short, I asked her to lay her hands on my sacral chakra which is located around the navel. It felt like all my energy was blocked right there and try as I might, I had been unable to move it or figure out what issue was stuck there.
No sooner did she lay her hands down and the very strong statement, "I'm scared" poured from my lips. The visual image was very much like the thin, sickly and frightened Golem from the Lord of the Rings series fame.
I'm scared. Full of fear. Afraid of everything and everyone. It was as if all the extraneous fear scattered throughout my body had found a secure home, wrapped tightly within.
Suddenly, I became aware of how large, looming and all-encompassing fear had been throughout my early life. I was afraid of people, of being alone, of being lost,mof someone touching me, of someone never touching me, fear of footsteps and poisoned food....afraid...that my dad was going to kill me...because he said, over and over and over again, as we sat on the edge of the bed sharing a candy bar....that if I ever told anyone what he and I did, if I ever said anything about how much we loved each other...that he would kill me in my sleep by cutting my throat or suffocating me with a pillow. He said it would be really easy for him to do, and that he didn't want to have to do it, but he would...because mom and everyone else would be sooooo jealousy that he spent all his time alone with me at night.
I was scared because of how much I've written about the secrets lately. Didn't feel safe, hiding under beds...he always said he would find me.
Well, that was over forty years ago.
Processing....
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