Helpless

I have lived my whole life completely and utterly helpless. I was helpless to the starvation and neglect, helpless to stop the abuse and convenient, deadend relationships. I stood on the corner and was hit by whatever flew by. If someone stopped their car, said "get in", I went along for the ride.

I have never stood on my own. I have always relied on someone else to come along to show me the way. Yup, I have been nothing but a passenger on someone else's journey. Of course, that means I have been lead down back alleys among other unseemly places.

Always been a rider, never a driver.

I've told myself for years, that I can't do this or I'm incapable of doing that...the same "I'm helpless" message stuck on perpetual repeat. I've gotten quite used to believing that about myself...that I'm helpless and need rescuing.

The passenger wants to take the wheel.

I didn't know it was possible for me to have dreams and aspirations, I had always signed on to someone else's list.

God, can I even think for myself?

Can I make a decision completely on my own?

Isn't it time I Trusted Myself, honored my own thoughts and found out what my dreams were so I could follow them?

What a foreign concept.

I have been latching on, like lamprey to carp far too long.

If I had a choice...no, since I have a choice about where I want to take my life....Where do I want to go?!