My doc is great. We had a chance to air and talk about all the worrisome symptoms raging in my poor beleaguered body. She gave me a good hands on physical that ruled out a lot. She ordered bloodwork and even went so far as to walk to the next office and bring the blood work tech over to me in her office. She spared me the embarrassment of full blown tears in a crowded waiting room. I just couldn't stop crying.
Mostly she and I talked. She listens extremely well and gives the bestest hugs. She pointed out that I was overdoing trying to get healthier. I'd been modifying my diet, supplements and such... That I've been overwhelming myself with too many changes. My stress level is through the roof. I spend more time crying than not crying.
I need to give myself a break. The work I'm currently doing in therapy...is tremendous, physical, somatic and releasing of old, stored pain. This alone is enough to overwhelm the commoner. Add to that everything else...and well, I'm a mess.
She gave me a lot to think about. There is much I needn't worry about. And she offered gentle suggestions that seem like really good ideas.
Hearing a lot of "healing is a process" "it doesn't get better overnight, but it will get better" and such. Definitely in a full blown crisis mode which, thankfully, is really rather rare for me.
I'm breathing a little easier, slowing down, not expecting so much unrealistic things from myself.
I made the right move, being brave enough, thru overt tears, to go to my docs office, insist on an appt and procedure to bawl in front of nurse and dr alike. I knew I needed help and I got it. I am strong. I'm still fighting. Still releasing all the old, bad shit...and I've got people that care.
I'll feel better...at some point
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