I guess it's obvious. I continue to deal with extreme fatigue, must be going on two weeks or so. I'm not sure the tiredness is from the Lyme, the emotional chaos or Autumn. Maybe a bit of all three. I am tired all the time and have to make a hearty effort to drag my sorry ass up out of bed and move. I've been calling myself a trained monkey....doing all the mom and household things that need to be done regardless of how I feel. I feel like doing nothing, but sleep. When I rest or nap, I quickly fall into the most heavy slumbers...and I just want to stay there.
My energy level hovers between 30-40%. My patience and tolerance of stupid is even lower. I just work on staying out of the fray, avoiding people and stress and completing the basic functionality tasks that are required.
I continue to be perturbed by that damn school meeting last week...mostly because it mimics that bad visit at the hospital. Seems like its okay to throw me under the bus...not consider me at all...and business as usual.
Hate and anger seem to show themselves a lot. I'm so mad at my stupid, wishy-washy mother who, once again trashed me to save one of her precious sons. Did I mention that she has always adored her sons and barely tolerated her daughters? Every one of her five daughters ended up in at least one abusive relationship. Moms boys could do no wrong...she was always very clear about that.
In regards to my feelings of defenselessness and my autism, I'm thinking the best bet, to avoid hurt, is to keep my mouth shut, my thoughts and opinions to myself, not ask, not tell and expect nothing.
Seems reasonable...fairly safe.
I must wear my hatred and anger quite well. People see me and practically jump to get away from me. Ah, the whole avoidance thing needs litte effort. Damn, I'm that good.
I gots to find me more things that are that easy.
I'm not sure when I'll feel "better", whatever that is. It could happen, but I'm not putting money on it.
It is what it is.
Still feeling pretty beaten up. Can't imagine anyone could wear a smile feeling like this.
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