Accepting Innocence

I am fiercely struggling to accept the recent admission from my dying father. I fight against ....freeing myself from the costume and mask that I have worn for over forty years.
The unknown..is scary.
I know full well the titles that I have carried and worn...they fit like an uncomfortable, scratchy glove. I understand That constant irritation.
Liar, storyteller, rabble rouser, attention seeker, black sheep, trouble maker....I have grown accustomed to these.
Now, quite suddenly and highly unexpectedly dramatically,....sigh....everything I have believed about myself...has been exonerated, turned tail upside down, cartwheels rolling speedily and haphazardly down a very steep slope, spinning and stripping me of what I once was. Naked down to the bare bone.
I don't know how to live like I am and always have been...innocent....and teller of truths. I don't know what it feels like to have someone else free me...to have someone believe me.
That my father would ever speak such words is the wildest dream and craziest of hopes. I did not expect it and I surely don't know how to accept it. How can the old world as I knew it suddenly break apart, fall away, diminish and vanish? What Am I then? Cause I have no clue. Forty some years of lies, beatings, beatins, callous and painful words hurled at me. That Anyone would believe me? That words would be said, for all to hear...that I did Nothing wrong...that the sins I covered myself in ...large nothing ....anymore.
Part of me, and maybe others out there, may seriously wonder....why it is sooooo hard to accept...this gift....
I don't know how to be Nothing of what I was...of what people told me I was.
Yes, my entire world...is changing...Dramatically, quickly and And completely put of my control. And I resist...because I am scared.