Sleep problems, from the abuse

Aspies don't sleep well, as a rule. Lately, I have been unable to sleep until dawn shines. I wasn't quite sure why, until last night. As soon as I was tired enough to close my eyes, I had terrible, disgusting visual memories...in the first person...quite upsetting to see things I hadn't experienced in over 45 years.

I really hadn't seen what my father looked like, all those years back. Now I know his face and other parts of him. Not at all pleasant.

I haven't found a solution to this problem yet, except more meds and sleeping in the daytime, which I do quite well, daytime sleeping that is.

It's weird. In my twenties, I first started realizing that I had been more than physically abused. In my thirties, I began gaining awareness of the sexual abuse. In my now forties...I'm down to the nitty-gritty, recalling all the deeply hidden intricate details of the various incestuous experiences.

I am working out the very core of the experiences, feelings, emotions and thoughts that have heavily affected me my entire life. These remembrances are the ones that will finally free me.

Funny, about the time I get freed, my Eldest will be getting released from his prison sentence.

This level....this core of the onion...is proving to be requiring great strength. I am surely challenged. But I've gotten this far...dammit....I've made it through all the road blocks, boulders, mountains and land mines. I'm gonna get there.

I'll keep you informed. There is a finish line celebration you don't want to miss.