Trying to figure me out

A number of events have taken place, in the past two weeks, to put almost everything to question. Relationships that I believed were solid, melted away exposing....things I did not know we're there. Misgivings and misunderstandings that I never knew existed. Thought it was foundation turns out not to be the case.

I thought I held a rock...turned out to be dust in the wind.

What I thought was a casual backdrop, has since become a stage with bright shining light.

The understudy has become the star.

You have to learn to be flexible and to respect peoples where they are and how much they choose to be in your life.

I am learning this new thingy about being my own best friend. And I am getting quite good at it. I honor my struggles and victories, even when no one else can see them. I'm kinda content with me and where I am at. It's just some of those peoples outside that have changed and now fly different flags.

Yes, the less I talk and interact, the more visual I become. I've noticed that. Thinking in pictures makes sense to me and is my natural, native tongue.

I know I am often a freight train with my thoughts, feelings and emotions at times. I am aware of my ability to overwhelm and overdoit. I am sooo much more comfortable acknowledging and communicating even with heavy emotion dripping. It's just who I am. And I, my personality and isms, am definitely, definitely not for everyone. It's just a fact, Jack.

I hold my own key now. I take steps in the direction that I Want. I am more in touch with my abilities and I've learned to distinguish an ass from a horse. And I realized its okay to use my voice, my angry voice and call an ass, an ass.

I don't feel wrong or slighted, maybe a bit misunderstood but some days I educate and other time I let others do the homework. Everyday is a mixed bag of mood, mandatories and maybes.

I'm just observing. Watching the little plastic globe and all it's little snowflakes and pieces, shaking, turning topsy-turvy and moving in erratic ways. Funny thing is...I didn't pick it up and shake it.