Lots of Pain, Complain and Whine

I fail to grasp the meaning of such pain. The scream yesterday did not shatter my ear drum, just something else deeper within my ear. The pain is exquisite as anyone with severe ear or toothache pain can attest to. (I'm with you, Roia). I take 600-800 mg of Motrin constantly in addition to my newly appointed "little friend", Vicadin. At least now I am actually upright, with a semblance of clarity and minor physical movements.

Chewing and talking are challenging...they cause pain. Thus I'm on a soft diet of jello and pears so far today. I just dragged Meself down the stairs and threw sweet potatoes, the soft, canned variety, in to the oven for dinner. Yum, can hardly wait.

I'm stuck in bed, for the most part, so I figured I'd watch the Lord of the Wings(lol) series on little to no volume. I had been hypersensitive to sound all my life, but this injury takes it to a whole new level. Sigh. Every little mundane sound hurts.

I ventured ten miles out of town to see a foreign (not my usual) doctor. I practically felt a chill walking in to that cold, non caring place. I was assured their was no ear drum rupture, that my pain required an ear doc, given a prescript and sent on my way. Bunch a cold hearted, callous bitches. Never felt more like a number in my life. Not an ouch of compassion. Three very rushed minutes with the doctor. Sorry, I somehow interfered with their day. Debating this whole my doctor moved into this new practice thingy as she is not as available and now sleeps with these deep water sharks. Next time I'll take the Er over this vacant and empty office. Hell no, I won't go again. Not even enough time to ask my questions...don't know what new symptoms I need to worry about and which ones are normal. In and out...wipe your ass on the way out the door. I gots no answers....just pain and pills. Fuckers. One of those times I wish I was nt and could think and talk fast enough to get my needs met. Bastards.

I'm tired of staring at the walls in my room. Silence is friend And foe. Just kinda lost in it. Helpless, again, still, stop. I'd blow raspberries to the whole idea that sometimes things happen for a reason, if it didn't hurt so much. That whole random thingy gets an equal invisible raspberry.i can't begin to make any sense of this shit. I'm not sure what purpose life has for me spending so much time cooped up,injured and unable todo anything but drink this whine. I fail to understand the reason....if there is any.

So, Pppllllllffffffffffffff and Plfffff and like, whatever. Pain tends to make me bitter and sullen.

Sometime next week I might get in to see the ear doctor. Yeah right.