Repressed Memories and other musings

Hmmm, methinks I am starting to resemble one of those guests on Oprah who survived hideous and heinous abuse and lived to tell the tale. Shortly after calming and dealing with one calamity, another hydra rears its ugly head. Really? You have Got to be kidding me? How much fighting and fixing must one person endure?

My subject de jour is Repressed Memories, a term no one relishes or wishes to encounter. A repressed memory is when the body and brain become overwhelmed by some sort of traumatic event, either observed or experienced. The mind body simply cannot handle the emotions, pain and content and thusly shoves said memory into some dark recess of the psyche where it either sits, grows and explodes or quietly inflicts insidious injury and disease upon the body.

With me, basically, I had a number of "triggers" or events and incidents which somehow told such memories to surface and be dealt with. Yikes, there is nothing pleasant about dealing with R. Memories, she says as she shudders and recoils.

My triggers: I found a therapist, thus a safe place where I can reveal, I recently had close contact with my parents, my home life is calm and steady, I've grown frustrated with certain body illnesses and got tired of half my body being numb and distant.

Whilst I have always been "aware" of the physical and sexual abuse, like the layers of the onion, I had only dealt with the outer most ones. Sure enough, the fiercer, most painful events lie buried the deepest.

The only way to heal from RM is with alcohol, drugs or talking about it...in a sense pulling out and revealing the event and....so sorry to say...feeling what was surpressed. True, I am older now, more mature and have learned from each of the dozens of times that I have done this before....it still does not make it any easier.

I am, once again, fighting a horrendous battle with shield, sword and fist. I am physically and emotionally compromised as my world slowly turns upside down and shakes.

Wish me well