As I was sitting here painting...a thought came to me.
If I can't see it, it doesn't exist. If I can't touch it, it isn't real.
I can attribute large parts of this to my two main factors, autism and multiplicity, but there is one other factor that came to mind.
This week, I received a Christmas card from my mother. The same mother who showed zero grief at dads visitation and the same woman who told me to keep my mouth shut. Her card was an empty holiday greeting hinting not that any altercation or animosity had transpired so recently between the two of us.
See, my mother has always been like this, denying "reality", so as a child I was enormously confused.
Mother never thought we were poor or needed assistance. Her husband never beat or raped her children. Her children were rarely sick enough to ever go to a doctor. Our clothes were just fine. They really. Didn't smell or need washing or mending. A washer and dryer weren't necessities for everyday life. And neither was heat or hot water. Apparently, this was all normal and everyone lived like this.
I was trapped in her very assbackward reality where things appeared and disappeared without notice, rhyme or reason.
To this day, she swears to be the best, most loving and caring mother. Hmmm. I guess I was the only one that saw things a little differently.
Seriously, she sent me a card....from her reality.
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