I didn't deserve to have my parents screw me up so. It would have been nice to have been able to grow up with my mind and emotions intact. It would have been appropriate to have had an adult that protected, loved and cared for me.
I did nothing, not a damn thing to deserve this miserable, fucked up state of being.
It would be nice to be even semi-normal where by every day wasn't such a goddamn struggle. I would have loved to have the ability to work, make money of my own, to sleep without nightmares, and to have some innate sense of self-worth.
I was innocent, completely, irrevocably, innocent and I was given to parents as a plaything.
I wish I could just get over it, let the past be the past and just forget about it. The scars were too deep and numerous to do just that.
Why am I the one that has to pay? God, they stripped me bare and took everything. I soo did not deserve it.
Now, I spend the rest of my life trying to bandage and heal the wounds. Some days I am absolutely fucking sick of it! My life is spent trying to get through each day with minimal damage. I've been in therapy over fifteen years of my life and I will probably be in therapy every week for the remainder of my life. Does this seem fucking fair? It wasn't my fault, yet I am the one who as got to pay. This seems so warped and twisted. God, I'm fucking tired of being miserable and in need of mending and fixing. I'm tired of needing other people to try and understand the fucked up hell that I come from and live. I'm tired of constantly holding out my hand. I'm tired of people seeing my sadness or not knowing its there.
I cannot believe the price I am paying for someone else's crime!
This is the hand I was dealt...I don't believe it's fair....I don't like it...and it Sucks
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