Overall, it's been a pretty good week. I'm getting more in touch with my emotions. I'm getting honest with myself about who I am and what I want to be doing. If someone asks me a question, I am honest and frequently say more than they bargained for. I can be pretty intense. I get that. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I figure if people can't handle my intensity and honest, they are free to walk away, defriend and avoid. I respect everyone right to choose their friends.
The downs of this week have mostly involved my 9 year old, Younglink. His anger got out of control and he punched a couple of kids at school, mhc to my sadness and dismay. I am seriously taken aback by physical violence in all it's painful forms. I've had a series of tals with YL. I, personally, apologized to one of the little guys he punched and to his mom. I told the little guy that YL had no right to punch him and that he did not deserve to be hit. The little guys face lit right up. Unfortunately, this kid has been teased or bullied more than once. He doesn't deserve it and I will not tolerate teasing from my son.
In lieu of YLs increasing anger issues, I decided to overcome my personal reservations and negative history with the school social worker. I asked him to see if he could start working with Younglink to get this anger under control now, as opposed to later. I'm a big girl now. I put my personal feelings aside and will Always do what is in the best interst of my boys. Priorities, priorities, they are becoming clearer and more vivid.
I'm still pretty damn upset about two different blockbuster movies that portray the evil bad guy as having only one hand and wanting to "get" another. Before my language takes a man and rash tone, let me just say that I am preparing myself for the inevitable days when Younglink will come home from school crying because someone told him he looks like the bad guy from spiderman r men in black. Seriously, I can't believe that two films would freely offer such a portrayal, such a slam against the limb different community. Well, we can't make fun of other disabilities anymore...no ones speaking up for limb d. so let's slam them. Fucking idiots.
It was quite a busy week, to be sure.
I also met with YLs school psycologist, in regards to his being assessed. I had a long questionnaire to fill out. Since I know I am Aspie and have a helluva time time answering subjective, weirdy questions, I asked her if she could meet in my house, mi familiar, so that I could speak freely and ask her to explain, to help me understand what the question was really asking. Questions like: Does it seem like your child has a motor? Or "Is your child an angel?" with four possible responses, really stymied me. It was very helpful that I knew the psycologist and trusted her judgement...even going so far as to be perfectly comfortable with her in my living room. I used to have an embarrassing time admitting that I did not understand questions....a terribly embarrassing time, really, but I'm finding people I'm comfortable with and being...more comfortable in my autism, my disability. I'm seeing where I need help and not being afraid to ask:) (I go girl)
I'm getting along easier, better with other people...and my self.
I decided to drive a couple hours and spend the day with my Aunt. She just lost her husband, three weeks ago, and her brother, my dad, last week. Auntie is just delightful. She likes, supports and believes me. Okay, okay, she loves me...I don't know why that's so hard for me to say...no, to accept:)
I just loved sitting with her, talking, getting to know her better. She and I are a ton alike. We are both oldest girls, very creative, outside-the-box thinkers, brutally honest, very private, very caring and quite compassionate. I had a fabulous time.
At one point, she asked me about the physical abuse I had, growing up. When I told her...maybe too much honest info, she had such a look of horror...and shook her head, having a hard time earring what type of father her brother was. A few minutes, maybe not even that long, she got up to go do something and changed the subject. I watched, more than just at this juncture, my Aunts facial expressions and body language for clues as to when to move to different subjects. Perfectly acceptable and understandable for her to need an escape from the painful intensity. Lord knows, Auntie as ad a very emotional month. I get it. I respect it. I'm just saying that I was actually looking for and watching....figuring out more about this whole social interaction, conversation thingy. I had the utmost concern and care for my Aunts well being and maybe I studied her even more closely so as motto cause her anymore grief....and because she is a safe person to be around and study:)
Yeah,I did have a great time. But I was....overwhelmed when I returned home. Four hours total travel time and about six hours of intense social interaction....makes sense. I will plan on visiting her again. We need and love each other...I see...I feel that.
Experiencing my Aunts creativity, beautifully displayed all over her house, very much inspired me. I forgot how infectious art, beauty and the creative spirit can be. I have a handful of projects in mind that I will be much more actively pursuing. I enjoyed sharing photos and some of my art with my Aunt. I have someone new to share my handmade gifts with:)
I had a blast, a damn good time, putting together my biggest, most detailed and fantastic Lego architecture set! OMG! It had a spiral bound booklet of instructions for all 800+ pieces. Each page, once complete, was an ego boast and sense of accomplishment. To see all these Lego pieces strewn on the table...haphazard and looking insurmountable...and then the constant reassuring satisfaction of being able to follow complex instructions....the creation, the building, the putting together...and then, the final magnificent product....pure joy and fascination!!!!!!!! I Love it!
Wow, there is even more I could say, but nough for now:)
Be well. Thanks for reading
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