Shutdown

I can barely walk...talk...think
I survived three very unpleasant, painful "incidents" of outsiders invading my personal space, verbal "assaults". On the three consecutive days last week.
I accomplished visiting my imprisoned son, eight hours away.
I am exhausted during the day.
I cannot sleep well. I wake up every single hour from horrid, scarey nightmares involving my dad, brothers, being helpless, trapped, trying to escape.


I am, basically, tormented night and day. Fearing attacks, not physically, from outsiders. Feeling vulnerable and unable to protect and defend myself in my weakened, exhausted condition.
I function minimally at best.
I cannot, I ferociously avoid the news, newspapers, radio news...cannot process, cannot run fast enough away of horror that hurts me so fiercely.
Cannot process...cannot fathom...shutdownshutdownshutdown
Trying to make the pain stop.


Dark rooms, closed drapes my greatest friends.
Maxed out, overstimulated, shutitdownyall