This is my life...be kind

Realizations

My wants are simple and few.
My life is nothing like most.
I'm beginning to be aware of my challenges...and the fact that I will always require help and kindness from strangers and friends. Please be kind. Please be very, very gentle....it's hard to convey how delicate is my balance.
I will probably never understand reality as you know it...likewise, you will never understand mine.

Happiness is an elusive bitch.....like a brief rainstorm in the dessert....like a white bunny with a black mask that runs and scampers away whenever I draw near.
My hope for life...is just to get through it....with the least amount of pain and distress....to heal what I can...

Life makes me angry...it feels so insurmountable and unfair. It's been an evil, wicked bitch whipping me with whips of thorns, and chains of pain. God, I was put into this world to fight and struggle, every day of every year. And at times I deeply resent it.

I am a time traveler and live in different realities I am complicated, complex and detailed.

Nothing is as it appears....
Everyone has an agenda

I wish I had valves on hands and feet, that I could open and drain away some of this pain.

I deserve kid gloves. I only hope that those that understand me treat me a little kinder and with a bigger smile and open arms. God knows I deserve it. I've grown so tired of living in this hell.

Time...I'm clueless...sometimes it moves very quick, or saunters, or disappears entirely

Sometimes I feel like a Frankenstein...this piece and that one...spare parts and discards.

I go from numb to overflow in a blink.

I cannot predict how I will feel in the next moment, tomorrow or tonight. I am one big unknown variable.

I dare say...my life story...would scare the shit out of most. Lord knows it frightens me.

Maybe I am just a dream....a small tattered cloud blowing by driven by unseen winds

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and  be in Kansas

I want life...to start being kind to me...please....I don't ask for much...peace, love, absence of malice, warm arms wrapped around me, a smile, a hand to hold, kind words, happy eyes, validate my existence...I have been lost and alone in the cold so very long.  I deserve..I am worthy...I am