Healing my wounded self

I've been busy the past three weeks. It may not appear so, to the outside observer, but there is lots of inner work taking place. Life has been a big blur as my focus and energies have been spent remembering, processing and trying to comprehend the enormity of what I've experienced.

Few can comprehend the physical pain I've endured. Fewer yet can understand the incredible emotional distress I face. Sometimes it feels like I am one big walking wound seeking shelter or a healing salve and a safe, kind soul to apply it.

I believe me. I believe all the gory details that I have been seeing and experiencing these weeks. It's time to acknowledge what was done and the damage left in its wake.

I now understand why I am deeply bothered by seeing a wounded, sick or injured animal. My father routinely tortured and killed my beloved pets in front of me. Still reeling from that revelation.

I'm not sure if or when I'll be able to get close to animals again without fear of harm coming to them. Maybe, I don't know. Too new. Too fresh. Too hurt.

All these secrets, burdens and false thought patterns have been swirling so long...a whirlpool constantly dragging me down.

The earth energy has changed. Summer is leaving and fall arrives. I sleep, almost obsessively and whenever possible.

Therapy and therapist is going very well. Having a good therapist to trust makes all the difference in my world. I have something to hold onto. A place to et it all hang out and be okay with myself. A place to finally share the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have never had a reason to lie. I'm starting to believe in me. I'm in here. I'm okay.

Yes, somedays I acutely feel the pain of rape and betrayal, but I also have warm moments.

Im not as numb as I was. Grief and emotions fall more freely.

I feel vulnerable and exposed. I stay closer to home and I don't go outside my home when I feel very emotional and vulnerable. I have to take care of myself first.

I'm working on releasing some of the shame, self-hatred, body distrust and pain.

I'm a damn hard worker.

I'm doing okay.

I hope you are too.

Be well.

Love yourself.

Be kind.

Thanks for reading