Some won't believe it....and they can go fuck themselves because I don't care what others believe or think of me.....but if you did something a few times every week since you were five years old...you start believing it is okay. A child knows no different than what parents teach. It was an evil agenda, but it worked.
My dad felt powerful. I got attention and affection, and one more pedophile is still free and clear to lead his normal, non remorseful life of denial.
What parent would do such a thing? Unfortunately, thousands of them. Thousands that are too afraid to speak, to break up a family unit...too afraid to admit that incest happens every day in every town......children walk around wounded, scared and scarred because we turn away and refuse to deal or acknowledge incest and childhood sexual abuse exists.
Well, my fellow survivors and sufferers....I shall speak for you. I shall not remain silent...Ever.
It really does feel like in "coming clean" that the soil and filthy of the secrets have left me.
I no longer hide from myself, what I did and what was done to me.
Secrets love closets and cobwebs, collecting dirt and decay. Secrets cause shame, and shame destroys the soul.
I really do feel a sense of clean....and a strange, unfamiliar calm....like I'm not working so hard to push away the secrets. Keeping quiet takes a lot of energy.
The murky swamp, the lake where I hid the secrets....has dried up.
I sit, on a rock, in the center of the dry lakebed......
No longer do I hide in the depths. No longer do I need murky waters to distort or get lost in.
I'm here, I'm real, I hide no more
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