Trying to figure out the tears

Every night, after everyone has gone to bed, it's tears. Color, bright deep blue, covers, infiltrates my skin. The guard goes down, and the blue destabilizes, and weeps...because it never could before.
It was never safe to show any weakness, lest the laughter roars and jabs hit harder. I'm only safe at night, completely alone. Then I can feel who I truly am.