Tales From the Middle of the Road

Neither up nor down, right or left, here or there...just in the middle of the road

Like an apathetic flag blowing in a slight breeze

My shoes have been stolen, so each step feels funny

The windows are foggy and stained with fingerprints, and I don't care

(blanket flowers from my garden:)
I plod amongst flowers and bees

Sometimes the voices in my head are so loud, I can't think
Other times....they amuse and enlighten me

Lots of chatter these days. They say it's a good sign, more co-consciousness.

It can be downright deafening, at times.

I'm overly sensitive, skin and otherwise....like a small child

Sometimes I think it's best to speak less, then others will not become aware of my distance and dunce

I'm not apathetic, just not really interested...not really out There, too much. My inner world demands my attentions:)

For this autistic...wearing shorts is a whole new world of odd sensations.
Going barefoot, same thing. It's massive. But don't tell anyone...they'll just make fun of you cause they don't understand.

There is an underlying layer of sadness, always present these days. Keeping it under control as much as possible.

I think the concept of one almighty being is too much for most to handle, so they break it down to three more manageable entities. Throughout history, if you look. Everyone has had...multiple gods. Think it's just too much for most brains to handle...but I get the one thingy.

A neighbors relative died unexpectedly. I frought and brought a sympathy card and stopped to talk. Why don't we get how fragile, futile and fleeting every life is?

We do not cherish enough

Why don't we value ourselves more?

I may be nearsighted, but I treat everyone I know and run into, even briefly, with respect...unless they are evil.
I know someone with so much anger, she is evil. Mean, snide, disrespectful. She's sad and doesn't know it.

I see peoples that like to put on a good show, all glitter that blows with the slightest breeze. They don't know who they are.

I'm often alone and rarely lonely. Loneliness is the middle of the road, in a deep dark valley full of briars and swamp.

(near my house, twas the other day)
Loneliness is having no open arms. Having nowhere to go. Spinning on your heels in futility. Getting lost in the sky. Closing up and not caring where you bounce...hoping for someplace soft.
In my mind, soft and comfort and even warm, are synonymous. And I can't get enough. Can't get enough, sad.

I've been dreaming of living with gypsies. Twice now in the past week. Interesting and oddish.

My neck pain has gotten better. I can use my arms more. Guess a certain amount of pain is always gonna be there. Getting used to it. No big whoop.

Wish the past pains didn't live in my body and resurface. Well, if they didn't resurface, guess I'd get sicker and sicker. But I hear most people don't have that. Nice.

I don't travel back to the past, I just pay attention to what aches and whats within. Observe and listen. Hard to explain, but true.

Had to fill out more forms in my attempt to get disability payments. Shit, wish the determiner could live a day in my shoes. It's a no brainer.
Still hurts to admit. Try not to touch that too much.

Form asked hard questions...brought up stuff dont want to acknowledge. Whatever.

There are always flaming hoops I have to jump thru.


Need to carry a bigger squirt gun.

Not enough therapy time. I try not to think about it.

I haven't made art in like, forever. My spirit is so sad.

Went to the big grocery store that's out of town. Crowded, angry, hurried people from elsewhere.
I was remarkably calm and unmustered. Been finding a little more inner peace and sense of self lately. The outside didn't bother me so much.

I've been oscillating, sometimes quite rapidly, between big and little, past and present. Hmmm, She calls it progress. I call it frustrating confusion, but it's the same thing. Bitch
One minute I'm confident in what I'm doing. The next I'm completely unsure.

Exceedingly fun to be me, at times. You wish.

Just kidding

One side of my family was remarkably humorous.
Thank God because the other side was fantastically cruel..


Just realized my gluten free diet has been sabotaged for weeks now. Found gluten hiding in vitamin supplements and hair shampoo.

No, I don't ingest my shampoo, but like anything applied to the skin, it gets absorbed. That explains my sluggish and bloated nature. Back to checking Everything, All labels for gluten.

Can't seem to handle crude, backhanded, ouch, remarks. Think it relates to that Oversensitivity thingy.

Been dealing with both the emotional and somatic/ physical levels in therapy and out. When I talk and remember its not just cerebral anymore. Damn:) more progress. Bitch bitch.

My hypersensitivity to sound, which was overwhelming last week, has calmed down. Whew, nice.

There is so much that I deal with on a daily basis...that people don't want to hear or talk about, acknowledge or can help with.

I live within the twisted barbed wire of nasty, distasteful painful stuff. It's not talk share fodder. I live it alone....cause I have to.

It's ok. It's just what it is.


(took this, down the street a bit, with the new panoramic feature on my cam:)

Mostly, I guess, I'm just wandering, slowly, down the middle of the road.
Just wanted to share.
Cherish
Be Well:)