I don't think a child is born being embarrassed and ashamed of who they are. On my morning walk, still processing the latest round of theraputic revelations, I was reminded of how I grew up embarrassed.
My mother taught me to hide and be embarrassed about living in poverty. She taught me to shun and disregard my own small genuine feelings of hunger and need. "Wanting" was very much wrong. Having a "need" for love,attention, affection, food and money were disregarded and considered selfish.
I learned to be ashamed of myself for having basic, every child needs. I thought I was a bad, selfish child because I wanted clean clothes and food three times a day. Now, with Therapists help, I realize that I was not selfish, but, in fact, quite a normal child with normal needs.
My hands were always open and held out. But I was taught that was wrong.
Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of. Yikes, I shudder at the mere mental verbalizations of that. Poverty is an environmental state of being that someone does not Neccessarily deserve. In my family's case, my dad lost his job....no crime there. It didn't make my family any less. Help, government and ecclesiastical was available, but fear of anyone entering the house....and maybe unrealistic judgement, kept my parents from getting needed assistance. That, to me, was the real crime. People, automatically want to help other people. Had mother let down her own veil of embarrassment, children would Not have had to go hungry.
I don't believe anyone invites poverty to come and stay. Rather, I believe it can be circumstantial, or a way of life, with the stricken not knowing or having the means to escape. Poverty is Not something to be ashamed about. And it is certainly nothing to hide. If you hide, you cannot get help. And help is available.
I continue to believe that general human nature is kind and giving, overall. I believe that people like helping others.
My mother was a battered woman, physically and emotionally, I get that. But her scars need not be mine. I am not required to carry her embarrassment and deluded ideals. It's time to let go of her inherited shame and embarrassment.
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