I love acupuncture and am a great example of its emense healing capabilities. My practitioner is highly skilled and intuitive. Each treatment relieves physical pain and discomfort. Only recently have I discovered its healing on the emotional level. Old memories and feelings, trapped in my body for decades, have started to surface for release.
I fully understand and appreciate why so many people stay stuck in their "stuff". Healing, coming to terms with the past and letting go, is hard ass work.
A couple weeks ago, my acupuncturist hit a point and I felt immense, teary sadness. I wasn't sure what this emotion was linked to, till a few days ago. As I watched my sons skip and play, down the sandy beach path...I was struck with realization and overwhelm sad. My Eldest, who until last month, was imprisoned for 2 1/2 years....I had such deep, despondent grief that pounced on me, on a daily basis. I carried that pain, day in, day out and was only able to let out, to share little bits of it. The rest of it stuck, hidden in my body with no way out.
My blog probably, most certainly, helped me channel most of my angst, but much still ruminates.
I'm in therapy weekly, and Therapist and I touch on it, when other issues aren't in the forefront....but I have a ways to go. The battle went on so veryvery long. The intensity is a bit daunting, so write I must.
I'm a firm believer in dealing with my garbage, so it doesn't poison me anymore. I don't walk away from a fight to heal.
I Am the strongest person that I know. The gold stars, I rightfully deserve would completely cover my forehead and arms.
I've been verbalizing little bits of my ordeal with Eldest and Partner. I even talked about how empty the house felt without his prescience...and how I couldn't even be in the house alone, instead sitting in my car, in the garage, for the first weeks he had left.
In my mind, though, Eldest didn't leave me...the police Took him away from me. For whatever reason, this is my reality. Probably because Eldest would never willfully leave my side or evoke the intense grief I felt. I just loved and love him too much to ever think that.
In a way, that sadness filled the hole of his being gone. Now with his return, it's time to let that old stuff go. I don't need to hold the sadness, the missing, anymore. I can replace it with the overwhelming and forgotten happiness, he brings me everyday,with every touch and hug.
See, I've just come to realize, I smile. I didn't for over a year and a half....till I started the one year countdown to his release. I laugh a lot, also. I'm more reassured that his release is real and not just a fluke. I feel alive again. The son shines brightly. Even on the darkest days, the son brightens and lightens my day.
I'll continue to write and talk about the sadness, till it's hold is fully relinquished. I'm working on it.
Acupuncture is a truly wonderful tool for healing!
Be well:)
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