I must say that in all my years, only a couple close friendships have stood the test of time. One was my friend, Lis and the other is my current partner.
I attribute my autism to the majority of friendships lost. My intensity is the other big reason. Mistakes I have made causing loss: not understanding the social norms of when or how frequently to call, drop over visits that although the invitation was extended, I picked the wrong time; not returning calls or staying in contact due to long lasting autistic shutdowns (probably my most frequent reason); not knowing boundaries; being overly helpful; uncensored speaking out loud....saying way too much; my natural intensity is often more than most can handle; I can be controversial in talking about taboo subjects (incest, sexual abuse); at times, though infrequent, I can get needy and I can see where others can be overwhelmed by that; my fears and anxiety...not being able to eat in restaurants or socialize at parties; my having both prounounced non emotional or strongly emotional states can be rather intense to handle.
I don't know...it's like, I wish I had close friends consistently...but I don't even know that it is something I am capable of.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my experiences with friendships. It's one of those things that I wish was easier.
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