Therapy Hangovers and Such

Therapy was, to put it mildly, Awesomely Intense, this week. It was one of those session in which much transpired in huge, cathartic ways. Groundbreaking, revealing and highly exhaustive, are other words that come to mind. A therapy hangover, is when you require days to process and rest and regain use of your numb head. Very similar to those alcoholic hangovers of my youth.


I don't think I have ever had therapy that was that emotionally intense. My eyes are open and my voice is strong...and lilting, here and there.
A few days later, I see changes in my self.

I am rounder, more fully three dimensional. It beats that two dimensional piece of paper the size of a gum wrapper I was a few months back.
I feel like my IQ jumped up to college level. I think in multi-dimensions, in that my thoughts form pictures/ visions that are layered.  Like....I was going for a walk and I suddenly thought, saw and felt that Now is a good place to be. Standing in the Now, not moving, just being aware, I could see the present moment unfold into a circle all around me. The past, the present and the future were all within the Now. I didn't need to move toward the future. I needn't look back into the past...it is all the same, represented in this very moment of Now.


Then I saw myself as the nucleus of an atom with electon orbits. Every now and then, sometimes with warning, other times completely without, an electron smashes into the nucleus.


I noticed how many translucent layers there are between myself and a new, recovered memory. There are many. Uncover, discover, draw within visual range, within hearing, into view at great distance, nearer, nearer, touch/ body memory range, back out for more processing, closer inspection, in the palm of my hand, I own it, it's mine. Those would be the layers.
I take up more space.

I've grown accustomed to my odd behaviors. Things that used to panic or scare are ho hum, average me. Flashbacks, mutism, visions, are just part of my package. I've gotten more relaxed and at ease with myself.
I've gotten...noticed more of my personality. It's like I can see and sense myself as a more rounded person with many moods, emotions, varying feelings, flexibility and the like.
I like myself more. I'm guessing that has something to do with that whole acceptance thingy. I am much, much more patient and Mostly less easily rattled except when the sprinklers in the produce department unexpectedly spring on at 8 am as I'm reaching for that red pepper. Yikes, I hope they got that one on video. I haven't jumped that quick and far in quite some time.

I think I understand myself better. I'm getting that the behaviors and mannerisms aren't figments of my imagination or feeble attempts at drama or attention. In an odd way, I feel more real. I've never made stuff up...but I used to strongly accuse myself of making stuff up, because Really? Really? How could such...madness be true?
I believe in me. I'm a good person.
I'm a very good person. I believe