Okay, okay, I'll write something...

I keep start specific topic posts and they haven't been coming to fruition. So, I'm gonna wing it and just plain write.
I've been watching the series "The United States of Tara" or UST, this week. It's about a woman with the same thing I have, MPD multiple personality disorder now known as DID dissociative identity disorder. It's more accurate than not. The actress is incredible and it's a fairly accurate portrayal of living life as a "multiple" or as I like to say "having people".
Watching the show makes me feel better about myself. There are so few movies or shows that even come close to the very altered reality I live in every day.
There are three television shows or movies that pretty much sum up who I am:
The United States of Tara
The movie "Adam"
And the movie "Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium" in which each character exhibits a different part of me.
So, if anyone ever wanted to now what being me is all about, put three tvs in the room and run all three of these pics at once.
The unamused, mildly dysfunctional and downright "normal" people's have all kinds of stuff to watch. Me, I got these three and they are good ones.
New memories surfaced again...each more unpleasant than the last. This one new one deals with the first memory of being violated, of feeling invaded, helpless and used. Haven't even begun to sort all the emotional content. I need to go slowly with this one...like that Other one that I talked about in therapy Last week.
In a way though, I feel good? about remembering. I'm constantly reminded that I have made nothing up. Memories answer the questions...why am I like this?....why do I feel so spread open and vulnerable?.....
This last memory also answers the question I've had. My dad is/was a multiple too. He did to me some of what was done to him. He took out his anger and feelings of helplessness onto me. I distinctly can recall one child alter of his, with a particularly..twisted mind.
I feel absolutely no blame or shame in recalling. I was far too young to have been a "willing" participant or to have been able to stop the acts. I know I am innocent and always have been.
That first act, that memory...was devastating and confusing.
Still processing
See, I write for a few minutes...then I'm just not interested.
Oh well. Maybe more later